


Locked Up

by jeonocho



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/M, Romantic Soulmates, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-28 07:34:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17178635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeonocho/pseuds/jeonocho
Summary: He was two thing in his life: a workaholic and a player. Those were the only things in his life he closed himself off for everything else, including his own soul mate.





	Locked Up

It was hard to understand your emotions when you were in front of him. What were you feeling and just how much of those feelings were actually yours? You were devastated, you knew that much was yours but there was still a bunch of mixed up emotions that maybe didn't belong to you. You didn't think you felt angry but anger was one of the things that you felt the most. Was that you or was that him? It was hard to tell everything apart.

He looked so angry when he raised his eyes at you. If looks could physically harm someone then that would definitely be one of those looks. You used to melt whenever he looked at you because you thought that there was something more to it but at that moment you could only see the disdain in his face, how much he hated you.

Maybe that was the best way to describe the feelings inside you; maybe you mistook anger for hate.

While working for him you learned a couple of things, like reading the little signs he showed. It was hard, almost impossible, to find a crack in his perfect façade but sometimes it happened. That day he tossed all of his well-built masks aside and looked at you with complete disgust like you had done the worst possible thing to him, like everything that happened had been your choice alone.

If you could have chosen anyone in the world you would have never chosen Oh Sehun.

 

 

 

**Seven Months Before**

 

 Working at a company that was almost completely taken by men was not an easy task but your life had never been easy from day one. It had been your dream, since a child, to work as an architect. It always seemed amazing to you how someone could build something out of nothing. Sure, you knew that houses and buildings weren’t just placed on the ground but you had no idea about how those things were there, about how someone managed to build a place so high that it nearly touched the sky.

Since you learned how to hold a pencil all you could draw was the place you wanted to live in, your dream house - yes, the house you imaged changed over the years as you got older but your dream still remained the same.

When you decided to tell your parents that you wanted to go to college for something other than teaching they were angry, angrier than what you could possibly imagine. It took them months to even talk to you again but as the time went by the three of you went back to normal.

When you were in the last year of college you managed to get an internship at Park & Oh Creators. You were so happy that you hardly contain yourself when you walked inside. Sure, you were just the assistant of someone's assistant and your job was mostly making coffee and delivering mail but Park & Oh was not the kind of company that hired interns and much less the kind that got people who were still in college. So you always worked hard, harder than someone would consider appropriated for just an intern but you didn’t mind it because it was what you wanted. After about a year you were an official employee and no longer the assistant’s assistant.

At the same time that working there was amazing it also felt incredibly burdening. Most of your coworkers were older than you and had been working there for a long time, since before there was a change in administration so they always looked at you with great expectations. Because you were still young and had the kind of job people deemed as really significant, people thought that you weren’t fit for it but as you worked they started to realize that you could be as serious about it as they were.

That day when you walked inside the building you hurried to your desk. Your phone was already blowing up with calls and texts from suppliers and customers. Due to the sudden weather change, people were nervous about their constructions, afraid that it might not be ready in time or that everything that had already been done was going to get ruined. 

“Hello Miss K.,” you said in a bubbly voice as you pressed the elevator button. When you were talking to Miss K you had to do it in a childish way because she acted as scared cat most days “How are you doing today?”

You weren’t one to be too friendly with clients, they hired you to do a job and not be their friend and if you were being honest mostly everyone was pretty strict about their relationships with employees but Miss K was an entirely new deal. She couldn't deal with anyone unless they were extra friendly.

“Y/N, this is a disaster! Everything will get destroyed, my beautiful garden will be dead because of this stupid rain"

You wanted to laugh.  Every time you talked to Miss K. she usually acted like a spoiled little girl who wasn't having her way, instead of it being annoying it was almost endearing.

“You don't have to worry, I've already called a team and they are going to remove everything and cover the open area until the rain is gone and we can start to work again"

She sighed over the phone and you could hear light sounds at the back as if she had just lied down from exhaustion.

“You're amazing, doing all of that when you should be at home enjoying your weekend"

Enjoy a rainy Saturday morning in bed did seem like a good idea but work never stopped and you were called in. Normally on weekends, you would work from home taking a few things with you to make sure that everything was going to be done at the right time. When you opened your eyes that morning and saw that there a text from the CEO’s personal assistant you nearly fell off the bed.

He wanted to see you. Oh Sehun wanted to see you on a Saturday morning.

You had never met him before, had only seen him a few times here and there while he was passing by while on his way to see a construction for himself. You never saw him arriving or leaving the company, he was always just there. In your mind, you could imagine that he had a secret door inside his office that led to another floor that he used as his home. You knew just how impossible that was but nothing would surprise you anymore. Not even the doorman knew at what time he got in and left.

“Sehun is always around, even if you think that he isn't watching be sure that he is. He knows everything about you"

The one thing you never understood about him was that everyone called him by his first name. To you, it seemed impossibly wrong that someone would call him like that, despite being younger than mostly every employee he was still the owner of the company.

“Don’t worry, I’m already at the office. I’ll take care of everything and you’ll have a beautiful garden as soon as the rain is gone. I can promise you that”

For a few more seconds Miss K kept talking to you but you stayed quiet. You had been working with her for a little over a month and you knew that once she started to talk the only way to make her stop was by letting her talk her way and just listening.

The first person you saw was Kira, Sehun’s direct assistant, she was the one who had called you in that morning, saying that you had to go in and there was an emergency. You were out the door half an hour later.

“Sehun wants to see you” were the first words that left Kira’s mouth.

You tried to contain yourself, make your expression as neutral as possible. You searched your mind for anything that you could have done wrong, anything that could justify why the CEO himself would request a meeting with you, on a Saturday of all days. The pessimist part of your brain was sure that he was going to fire you - and what better day to do it than a day that the office was completely empty and no one would see if you threw a fit - but you also tried to calm yourself down by saying that you hadn’t done anything wrong in the first place.

 

Nodding your head you follow her back to the elevator and stayed by her side as your eyes looked at your own reflection on the mirror and tried not to cringe. Because you were called in suddenly you didn’t have the time to get ready so you still looked half asleep and your clothes were wrinkled everywhere.

“Try not to look as if you were ready to pass out,” Kira said to you as she took her blazer off and handed it you “Put this on and untie your hair”

Besides you and Kira there were only another three female employees in the company and although you were happy that someone had recognized you and your work you couldn’t help but wonder why there were so little women in the company and why they were only assigned to assistant jobs.

“When you walk inside his office be polite but don’t overdo do it, if he has any questions answer them as truthfully as possible but don’t go around circles, be straightforward. It’s not going to take a long so just... hang in there”

You looked at Kira and tried to smile. Because there were so few of you usually all the girls always got together for lunch and Kira became someone you were close to, or as close as could possibly be with a coworker. She always seemed to worry about you, always treating you like you could break at any second - though that sort of thing should make you feel uncomfortable it always made you feel nice because it was so much different from the day people usually treated you as you were growing up.

 

“Do you know what he wants?” you asked when the door opened.

 

The last floor was exactly how you pictured it. The rest of the building was very much office like, it was what people thought about when someone said that they worked in an office but, of course, the floor where both CEO’s worked at had to be different from the rest. Everything was very modern, an industrial look to the decoration, tones of grey and white all over the place. Instead of brick walls, there were glass walls so you could see everything inside their offices. One of them was empty but the colors were brighter and much more alive, you knew the belonged to Park Chanyeol - he was far more active in the lower floors, always showing up now and then to get to know his workers better but you knew it was all a plot to know who was actually working and who was just pretending.

Looking at the other side you saw Sehun, his tall and lean frame bent of a drawing table. His blazer long forgotten on a chair and he looked unhappy, a frown on his face as he ran the pencil across the paper. Someone had done a pretty terrible job.

“I do but if Sehun wanted me to tell about it he wouldn’t he called you”

Her smile assured you. Kira wouldn’t be smiling like that if something bad was about to happen. She gave you an encouraging nod and told you to go inside. After taking a deep breath you walked forward, your hand going automatically to the glass door to knock lightly. Without taking his eyes off the task he waved at you with two fingers, silently telling you to walk inside. You only took a couple of steps inside before stopping.

“It’s Y/N, right?” he didn’t give you time to answer and just continued to talk “What do your parents do for a living?”

You weren’t sure why he was asking that but you answered anyway.

“They are both teachers, my brother too”

He looked at you briefly, for only half a second before turning his attention back to the floorplans.

“Why not follow the family business?”

“The idea of being stuck inside a classroom filled with kids that have zero interest in what I have to say isn’t very appealing. Even if I didn’t choose architecture I probably wouldn’t have chosen to teach”

 

Sehun seemed to like your answer because he hummed at you and turned to look at you, handing you the pencil in his hand at you.

“Tell me what’s wrong with this”

You took a step forward as you ran your sweaty hands on your thighs. You were so nervous, you had never been this close to him. He was your boss and just that was enough to make you truly nervous but him being that close to you, telling you to look over someone’s work.

With shaky fingers, you took the pencil from his hand and looked at the plants in front of your eyes. You frowned as you ran your eyes over it. Who did this, someone kid? All of it seemed to be all over the place.

“Can I…?” you asked shaking the pencil between your fingers and Sehun nodded at you “Okay”

You cleared your throat before leaning in, your free hand already reaching out for an eraser and a scale. Your fingers started to move before your mind could even begin to fully process what was in front of you. It was uncertain how long you spent there, standing in front of the desk, almost lying on top of it. You were there for such a long time that eventually Sehun walked away from you and sat down. He watched you in a complete trance as you worked, your bottom lip between your teeth as you looked thoughtfully at what was in front of you.

“I think that's enough time” Sehun said coming up behind you.

Putting the pencil down you took a step back and away from him as he looked at the notifications you made.

“The notes said that the client wanted as much sunlight as possible, that's why I made another window and increased the size of the other ones. The dining room and kitchen should be together so I thought that separating them with a counter would be a good idea. I could have made more notifications but it would take longer”

He just nodded at you before pointing at the chair right in front of his desk. You sat down carefully, everything in his office seemed to be too fragile - despite how strong it should be.

“You know that Kira is getting married"

“Yes" it wasn't a question but you answered anyway.

Your friend was getting married and her soon-to-be husband had landed a promotion on his company but it required him to move somewhere else. Kira didn't even think twice before saying yes and delivering her resignation letter to Sehun.

“I need someone else to take her place and she said that would you be the best fit for it. The working hours will still be the same but I need you to be available during the weekend if you have any plans let me know in advance so I don't interrupt anything. Do you think you can do it?”

 

++++++

 

 Working as Sehun’s direct assistant was never boring, to say the very least. Like he had said, weekends were as good as work days. It had gotten to the point where you had the keys to his house and the code to his alarm.

The first time you went to his house was a Saturday morning. As you were walking inside you saw a girl walking out, dressed as perfectly as if she had walked out of a salon. You smiled at her briefly, Sehun was your boss and not your friend so you were sure that be wouldn't really appreciate you talking to his girlfriend, but once she saw you her face turned into a frown and she looked away from you. You couldn’t help but think that you had done something wrong.

Later you found out that her reason for doing it was because she thought that she was an especial case. She thought that she was Sehun’s soulmate, the one who would finally make him change his player status.

You had heard about that before, everyone at the office talked about it as if it was the hottest news. On the first day, you were told about it. “That's why he doesn't hire girls, you know,” someone said to you. You doubted that was the reason he didn't, plus he wouldn't hire a girl that would he slept to work as his assistant - that would be a really dumb move.

 

It became extra funny when people thought that you were his girlfriend and neither did you or Sehun tried to stop them. He said that Kira also did the same, that it was easier if they thought that he was someone who was cheating on his girlfriend, it would make his life that much simpler.

To be honest you thought that was just Sehun’s way to try and find his soulmate.  It wasn't an impossible scenario to imagine, many people did the same thing - your own brother considered doing it before he met his other half. Though you found that it was rather impractical and dangerous, you could never look down on someone for doing it.

“Where do you even meet these girls?” you asked him.

“Club life only starts after eleven,” he said without looking up at you.

You snorted. _Club life_ , who even says that? Sometimes it was weird being around him. He never gave much away, he never even smiled - like a full-on, ear to ear kind of smile. You learned how to read him, yes. He had little tells that would show now and then but other than that there wasn't much.  At times he behaved like an old man who never left his house or sometimes he was like a grumpy kid throwing a tantrum.  He was a man of many faces, to say the very least.

“Don't you think that's dangerous? I mean someone is bound to have feelings and if that happens when you find the one it can be hard…”

You were leaning against his counter, countless files that needed to be read in front of you but the ache in the back of your head stopping you from doing it. It was tiring to work every day but at the same time, it felt weird not doing it. More often than not, while you were Anthony's assistant, you would take work home. Yes, being Sehun’s assistant meant that you had to go to his place but he was kind enough to pay for a cab to take you home.

“As long as it isn't me who has feelings, I don't care"

He stood up then, his glasses long forgotten at the table and made his way to you. You weren't afraid of him, of Sehun, but even so, he managed to make you nervous especially when he took a step too close. Exactly how he was doing.

“Some people don't really care about the soulmate thing, sometimes people just want to have fun"

He was too close, suddenly that huge house seemed way too small for the two of you but you did seem o able to move. It was like your entire mind was suddenly clouded and you could only see him, feel him, smell him. It was overwhelming.

“Sehun…”

You didn't know what saying his name was supposed to mean. Were you telling him that he shouldn't take a step closer or that he should stay as close as humanly possible?

“Was the problem with a little fun?” He ran his fingers tip from your hand to your neck making your skin tingle “We're not hurting anyone"

He buried his hand your hair, his free hand on the counter by your side making it impossible for you to even think about going anywhere else. Sehun leaned in slowly. He wanted to make the moment last, wanted to make you anticipate it. His hand felt warm at the same time that it felt too far away.

The moment his lips touched yours it felt like you were on fire. It was desperate, needy and lustful. You gripped his waist pulling him closer to you at the same time his arm went around yours. He dragged his lips away from yours biting and nibbling your skin until your collarbone. Your hand went to his hair, tugging it lightly.

“Sehun"

It was just a whisper but he heard it, his hold on you getting somehow tighter and pulling you even closer. He kissed his way back up but he suddenly stopped and looked at you, his eyes filled with doubt and then… the world stood still.

 

As you looked in his eyes you felt like the world changed, as if you had changed. Your heart started to beat even faster inside your chest, and it was so impossibly hard to breathe. It was like suddenly a door opened inside your mind, a door that led you to Sehun. You could feel him, not only because he was holding you close but because of that door, a door that allowed you to reach out to him and feel all of him.

For a tiny second, as fast as lightning, you could feel him. His emotions mixed with your own causing almost a complete mess inside of you. Sehun was afraid, terrified, but soon it changed to anger - borderline rage.

“Sehun" you tried saying his name.

You thought that words would somehow calm him down, make the thunderstorm inside of him decrease but if anything only made it worse. It was hard for him to breath; he couldn't focus his mind or his eyes. He was looking at you but he couldn't see you, he felt you all down his toes but it was impossible to understand what was going on.

“Get out”

Sehun pulled your hands away from him and took a step back and then another one and a couple more.

“Sehun"

Saying his name felt like a chant, a cry that you were supposed to know your entire life but up until then, you had no idea about. You took three steps towards him, your hand reaching out for his arm. You just wanted to reassure him, somehow. Everything that you could feel was his despair.

“Just get the fuck out!"

It wasn't his words that made you move, it wasn't the way he pushed your hand away from him, it wasn't even his feelings. It was his eyes. Sehun always had intense eyes, always so strong and powerful but that day his eyes seemed lost - the kind of look you would expect to see on a kid. The man you've worked for almost two years was nowhere to be seen.

“Okay, Sehun” raising both hands you start to walk backward “I'm leaving"

 

+++++++

 

_How could I have not noticed this?_ It was all that you could ask yourself.

You worked directly with Sehun for seven months, saw him every day and looked at his eyes every day countless times a day and yet you managed to overlook it. It was there the entire time, in more ways than one. Since that first day in his office you looked at him differently, you thought that it was because you were working together and maybe what you were feeling was just infatuation of someone who had never done anything in her life. But after what happened at his house you couldn’t help but think that it was actually the bond.

The bond only happened when the two souls looked eyes, it was impossible for it to happen any other way so why didn’t happen to you and Sehun sooner? Were the two of you defective somehow? There was only one kind of “glitch” in soul mates ordeal: Memorous. They were the kind of people who could remember all of their past lives, every single day, every tiny detail, every smell, every touch from the soul mate. One life a day until it started all over again. The only problem was that only one of them could remember it and the other one was left completely blind until they finally found each other. But you knew that wasn’t the case with you and Sehun, at least you weren’t like that. Even with Memorous, the bond happened through the eyes, it was immediate.

You had too many questions, for those you had no answer. It didn’t make sense why you didn’t recognize each other at first glance, it was like that for everyone else so why did it have to be different for you?

You tried to reach out to him during the weekend. The door in your mind was still in place, right there for you and yet you couldn’t open it. You tried everything that you could but all you were faced with was that locked up door, impossible to go through.

For a while, after you left his house you could still feel him there, lingering in your mind. Not only in your mind, but you could still feel him everywhere around you. It was like his touch was marked in your body, his scent the only thing you could smell for the rest of the weekend. It was like that because of the bond.

Even though the two of you hadn’t really bonded in the most convenient way you had still spend an awful lot of time together, so even if the bond was weak it was still there. Or at least it was what Google told you. Not many people had gone through the same thing and every single person had a different story so it was hard to narrow it down and find out what was the problem with you.

_We’ll talk today and figure everything out._ You just didn’t know if that was something good or bad.

When you got to the office on Monday morning Sehun wasn’t there. By lunchtime you texted him, asking where he was and that he had meetings to attend but it was ignored. When it was finally five and time to go home Sehun still hadn’t shown up. You were worried, Sehun didn't know when to stop working so the fact that he didn't show up at all for work was beyond concerning.

Even so, you stayed at the office. Sehun not showing up only meant that there was more work to be done than before.

“You should go home" in front of you was Chanyeol with his hand in pockets and a tiny smile on his face “Sehun isn’t coming today"

You shook your head and pointed to the two piles of paper in your desk.

“I'm not staying for Sehun, I need to finish these this week"

“And it's still only Monday”

You were about to answer him when the elevator doors opened and Sehun walked out, looking as polished as ever. His eyes zeroed on you within a second. He walked towards you with a look on his face that you couldn't quite decipher, the kind of look that gave you chills. The wall was still in place so you had no way of knowing what he was thinking.

“My office, now" he nearly growled at you

The way Sehun said it made even Chanyeol look at him twice. It was different from anything else. Sehun was never rude, he was strict and direct but never rude.

You smiled at Chanyeol and stood up following Sehun. It was impossible to know what was happening, why he had blocked you out during the weekend or why the two of you hadn't bonded from the get go or even why Sehun kicked you out that day.

“You have some courage in you," he said as soon as you closed to door “showing up here after that little show you pulled on Saturday”

And just like that all of his walls were down.

It was hard to understand your emotions when you were in front of him. What were you feeling and just how much of those feelings were actually yours? You were devastated, you knew that much was yours but there was still a bunch of mixed up emotions that maybe didn't belong to you. You didn't think you felt angry but anger was one of the things that you felt the most. Was that you or was that him? It was hard to tell everything apart.

He looked so angry when he raised his eyes at you. If looks could physically harm someone then that would definitely be one of those looks. You used to melt whenever he looked at you because you thought that there was something more to it but at that moment you could only see the disdain in his face, how much he hated you.

Maybe that was the best way to describe the feelings inside you; maybe you mistook anger for hate.

While working for him you learned a couple of things, like reading the little signs he showed. It was hard, almost impossible, to find a crack in his perfect façade but sometimes it happened. That day he tossed all of his well-built masks aside and looked at you with complete disgust like you had done the worst possible thing to him, like everything that happened had been your choice alone.

If you could have chosen anyone in the world you would have never chosen Oh Sehun.

 “What are you talking about?”

He leaned back in his seat with a grin of his face.

“You thought that you could sleep your way up the social leader? And on top of that try to make believe that I'm your soulmate? You’re stupid if you think that I would fall for a trick as old as time”

During the weekend you thought about what you wanted to say to him, what you could possibly say to him to make things just a tiny little bit easier for the two of you. But after his words you were left speechless, suddenly everything you thought about getting lost in your mind and you couldn't even form words properly. You opened and close your mouth several times but the words simply wouldn't come out.

Tears burned in the back of your eyes and you had you had to look up to stop them from falling. You would never Sehun the chance to see you cry over something he said. You never felt so humiliated in your life.

“First of all, you were the one who brought me here. I was just fine being Anthony's assistant, I never asked to be your assistant. And if that is what you really think that happened, that I tried to sleep my way and trick you then I can nothing else to say to you"

Sehun watched as you left. It was the first time since you started working for him that he saw you leave without a stack of paper in your hands. Even though your back was straight and your steps firm he could still feel something breaking inside of him but he was sure that it wasn't him. His feelings were as clear as day to him. He wasn't sure what happened, how it happened, but what happened that night was clearly a mistake.

_Soulmates don't bond like that_ , he knew that much.  He hadn't found his yet but it was never in his plans to find that person. Finding his soulmate was the last thing in his priority list, was the last thing in his mind.

Chanyeol must have seen something in your face because he followed you right out, calling for your name.

Sehun was sure that he had done the right thing.  Then why did he feel like he had made the biggest mistake of his life?

 

++++

 

You didn't show up for the rest of the week. Sehun sat at his desk just staring at yours as if his life depended on it. He saw as the documents in your desk were suddenly gone the next morning and every once in a while he watched Chanyeol go to your desk, his phone trapped between his ear and shoulder while he went through your things.

Why was Chanyeol doing that was beyond him. His friend has never been one to care much about other people and he hardly knew you.

“Why are you going through her stuff?” he asked.

Chanyeol looked up and smiled at Sehun. He had been concerned about his friend. Though Sehun was never the kind to talk much about the things that bothered it was easy to read everything on his face, once you got to know him enough. He knew that Sehun didn't understand what was going on.

“She does some stuff for me when I ask nicely"

Chanyeol said it like that because he wanted to see some kind of reaction from him, anything at all. That day, after he followed you outside he found you walking home. Your cheeks were red and you ran your hand over them pushing the tears away. He felt sorry for you, he didn't hear what Sehun said to you but he was sure that it had been far more than necessary - if it was necessary at all.

When you told him “Sehun is my soulmate” he didn't believe it at first. How could he when it seemed as impossible as cotton candy rain? But something inside him just told him that  you were saying the truth. When he thought about his own life he knew that you wouldn't say it if you didn't believe in it.

For as long as Chanyeol could remember Sehun said that he never wanted to meet his soulmate, somewhere along the way he started to block out that person. So maybe that's why you and Sehun spend so much time together without having a clue about each other.

He looked at Sehun for a few more seconds, trying to find anything at all but his face was as blank as always.

“You know what she’s feeling right now, don’t you?”

Sehun was caught off guard by his question. He thought that he had hidden it well enough or, to be more specific, Sehun thought that all of it was in his mind. He thought that he was only feeling those things because of what happened because somehow his feelings got mixed somewhere along the way.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about”

Chanyeol scoffed at his friend. It was so like him to act like a kid when you least expected him to. But then again Sehun never really knew how to deal with his own emotions so dealing with someone else’s at the same time while he was trying to deny something that was right in front of him must have been stressful to most of his capacity.

“Look, man, I was never one to tell you how to live your own life and I don't want to start that now but please let me tell you this: it’s not her fault that things happened this way. She is going through the same things as you are, just in a different way"

 

++++

 

By Monday Sehun started to get worried. It’s true that the two of you didn’t work together for a very long time but just those few months were enough for him to know that you were not the kind of person to simply skip work without saying a single word. Even if you were feeling ill you wouldn’t go to the doctor.

He was in the middle of a meeting on Friday afternoon when he felt something inside of him fade – like a spot in his chest had suddenly gone hallow. For days he felt you there, in the back of his mind like a constant reminder of the things he had done and the things he wanted to change. Sehun didn’t sleep and he knew that you didn’t either. It was easy to tell when in the middle of the night he would feel like crying but he knew that those emotions didn’t belong to him.

Chanyeol’s words had been stuck to his mind like glue. It wasn’t your fault and he knew that much but it was hard to comprehend everything that was happening to him. For most of his life he didn’t think about finding you, not even for a split second but suddenly you were there - right in front of him - and for the first time in his life Sehun had no idea of what he was supposed to do. The thought terrified him to his bones.

When he was ten years old Sehun saw his mother leave his father. He saw the fall of a man who loved too much, who cared too much. In his mind, it didn’t make any sense. If his mother was really his father’s soulmate then how could she just leave him? It was impossible to understand.

When the meeting was over Chanyeol walked inside the room. His friend hated meetings, hated them so much that he refused to be at the company when one was taking place.

“This is a surprise"

Chanyeol didn't answer, he put a hand inside his jacket and pulled an envelope. He left without a single world, leaving Sehun all alone in the meeting room.

His name was written on neat letters in front. He knew it was from you. Your handwriting was spotless even when you rushed writing.

 

_Sehun,_

_I don't know why I'm writing to you, I suppose that everything has been said and done. Yet, I still can't seem to completely detach myself. It's somewhat silly of me, isn't it? The thing is, Sehun, like many people out there in the world my dream was to meet you._

_The day when I realized that you were it, that you were the person I was waiting for I was perplexed, to say the very least but, at the same time, I was so happy. It felt like I had fireworks inside my heart, my favorite band playing my favorite song just for me. It was probably one of the happiest moments of my life but then I felt you and everything came crashing down. I didn't understand why we didn't realize from the first second. Was it was just me who felt that way, who felt that attraction? I'm sure that you wouldn't have made a move on me if you didn't felt the way too._

_How did we end up in this situation?_

_I can't say that your words didn't hurt, I can't say that for a minute I didn't think about staying and try to change your mind but that would be useless. I've worked long enough with you to know that when you think that something is true nothing can change your mind._

_I'm taking a step back with the thought that I'm doing the right thing for the two of us.  I think that fate may have messed up this time around and maybe we are the first flaw in the system._

_It's not possible for me to come back and keep being your assistant, it would be wrong and far too painful for me._

_I asked Chanyeol to give you a list of resumes, those are people I think that can replace me well - someone already work in the company and some don't. You don't have to hire any of them if you don't want to but it was least that I could do after leaving you without notice. Please don't be too mad at Chanyeol, I think that he was trying to be a good friend to you more than anything._

_Y/N_

 

 

 

Inside the envelope was your resign letter. Sehun didn't have to look at it to know that Chanyeol had been to one to sign it.

_It's for the best_ , Sehun was sure, _it's so that two of us can live well._

 

++++

 

You hated your new job, hated your new boss. You thought that working for a woman would be fun, that despite your age difference and the opposite way the two of you grew up you would be able to find things in common. Oh, how wrong you were. The happiness you felt that you managed to get a job so soon left you completely.

Moving away felt somewhat like a new beginning but at the same time, it felt like you were taking a step away from something, someone, that was supposed to be your everything. It was like walking in circles, like running away from a problem that was just going to follow you somewhere else.

Growing up you saw the people around you find their soulmates and they were so happy. Your brother was one of those really, really, lucky people to be able to find his other half in middle school. You watched as the two of them became more and more attached to each other, even with all of their difference trying to pull them apart. Where Lola was outgoing and loud your brother was quiet and preferred to stay home - much like yourself -, where your brother wished for a life filled with wealthiness Lola was happy in their tiny house with their beautiful baby girl.

Looking at them you couldn't help but feel jealousy.  It was so stupid to be jealous of your brother of what he had and yet you did.

After working for Lydia for a month you decided to have lunch in the park nearby. While working for her you never really took your entire lunch hour because just like with… your previous boss there was a lot do - the only thing you didn't do was take your job home, that was something you refused to do. While eating your sandwich, scrolling down on your phone, you saw a girl walk by and that shouldn't have been something out of the ordinary - it was a park, people walked by the entire time - but for whatever reason, that girl caught your eye. Your eyes followed her until she stopped in front of a boy. It was like the air in the entire park changed and everyone could only look at them. Suddenly there was a palpable tension in the air and people all around knew what happened and then it exploded like tiny invisible fireworks going around them.

They were soulmates.

It was always amazing to see people bonding. In your life, you saw it happen a couple of times and it never ceased to amaze you. It was impossibly beautiful to watch it happen. When the boy took a step closer to the girl and hugged her everyone around them screamed and clapped, cheering for the new couple. Even though the idea of finding their soulmate was something that most people was used to, seeing someone have a connection right in front of your eyes was still beautiful and touching.

It was hard to watch that and remember how your own experience had been. It was so hard to see them together and not being able to do the same, it was especially hard when you knew exactly where your own soulmate was and you just couldn’t be with him.

You tried your best not to think about Sehun and on most days you could do it. When you weren’t at work you found an animal shelter to volunteer at. Being honest you were never that fond of dogs or any kind of animal and, at first, working there was just a distraction. If your mind was occupied during the day and your body had been overworked then when you got home you would just sleep and no thoughts of Sehun would ever cross your mind.

When things like that happened you couldn’t help but think that maybe Sehun was right, if it was so easy to not think about him the soulmate bond couldn’t be real. But there were days that he was all you could think about from the moment you opened your eyes until late at night when you tucked yourself back in bed. Sometimes you thought that you could feel him, thought that there was a glimpse of him. It was there just for a second, a tiny little moment that made you think that maybe he missed you, that maybe he thought about you too. The moment was gone as fast as it came and all you were left with was a lingering feeling of loneliness.

That was what you had become: lonely. Though you moved to another city to stay close to your family you were still as lonely as you were before or maybe even more so. Before you had a job you liked and a boss that appreciated your work, though he never talked much about it. But you became just another employee that had no chance of growing inside the company you worked in.

“Y/N, I have a meeting today so you need to be ready”

Lydia always said it like that, like you were the only one who needed to be ready. You always did most of the talking, even the designs you were the one who made them and all she had to do was sign it like it had been her to make it. Even when clients talked to her about the projects you were the one answering all kinds of questions but they were always thankful for her instead of you, because at the end of the day you were just an assistant she was the architect.

By today Lydia meant that it was about to happen.

You followed her inside the meeting room and you wanted to turn around to leave as soon as you walked inside. You couldn’t believe your eyes. You looked at the notes in front of you and nothing said that Lydia had a meeting with Park & Oh Creators, so why was Sehun in front you?

For the first time, you stayed quiet during a meeting. Whenever Lydia asked you something you just passed her one of your notes. She wasn’t happy about it, you knew that it was clear because of the day she just took the notes away from you. You kept your head down, writing everything you thought was necessary but you could feel his eyes on you. Every move you made was followed by him.

In true Sehun form he didn’t say much, just asked a few questions here and there and let Lydia do all the talking. Suddenly you could feel him; it was like a light was turned in inside your mind and that door that had been closed for such a long time had finally been open. His emotions in you were like unsure touch, the kind of feeling you’d get when you aren’t sure something is actually happening to you.

By the time the meeting was over you could hardly take it anymore, all you wanted to do was walk away and stay somewhere far away. You just wanted to go home, curl yourself up in bed and think about anything but him.

“You and I will have a serious conversation about this later” Lydia pretty much growled in your ear.

Those words were the end of you, there was no question about it. You knew that when you walked inside her office later that day she would fire you and you were okay with that. She was freeing you of a job you hated and had no passion over. If you were going to do a job you hated you might as well worked in the administration of your dad’s school.

“Wait” Sehun said from behind you.

Everyone in the room knew that you had worked for Sehun at some point, they didn’t know the real reason why you left though. All you ever told them was that you left because your brother’s wife was sick and he needed help. That wasn’t the truth, Lola was as healthy as ever but you couldn’t say the truth. You couldn’t bear to say “He is my soulmate but he doesn’t want me so I had to leave”. It was too painful to even think about it, you could never bring yourself to say those words out loud.

Sehun waited until everyone left the room to say anything. He didn’t want people to know about the two of you, he was sure that you had kept what happened between you locked up with seven keys.

“Can we talk?” he asked.

For the first since you’ve known each other Sehun, he looked insecure, the look on his face telling you that he had no idea of what he was supposed to do or say. It was also the first time that you saw him give away so much of what he was feeling. Forget his feelings that were mixed with your own, his face gave you so much more. Yet, somehow, all of that wasn’t enough.

“I don’t think that would be a very good idea”

You didn’t look at him and you had no idea how that felt like a punch to Sehun. He knew that he had hurt you in more ways than one, more ways than he could possibly imagine. In your letter, you told him about a couple of things but he knew that your feelings ran that much deeper than what you wanted to show. Your letter, he thought, was written with the idea to comfort him somehow and make you feel lighter about leaving.

After you left Sehun didn’t feel like himself at all. He got used to seeing you every day, got used to getting texts from you at the most random hours of the day whenever you had an idea that could work for a project.  At first, he thought that he would stop feeling like that like something was missing inside of him whenever he looked at your desk, that now was occupied by Troy, one of your colleagues from college days. Although he tried his hardest, Troy could never do the job as you did, or maybe that was just Sehun missing you. And, oh how he missed you.

He would spend nights on end thinking about you, your smile, the way you always bit the pen whenever you were thinking hard about something, about how whenever you had an idea you would nearly scream and scare the life out of him. All of those things things made you who you were.

The thing he missed the most though was feeling you there, in the back of his mind. Sometimes it was like just a light buzz, like a background noise someone eventually gets used to. Somedays you were louder and all over his mind, his own thoughts and emotions were replaced by yours. He liked to think that those days were the days you thought about him the most, that it was when you got completely taken over by him. But there were also days that everything was quiet on your end, that he didn’t feel anything else at all, days when he felt like he was completely alone.

Those were the days he hated the most.

“Please, Lili. Give just a few minutes, that’s all”

You closed your eyes at the sudden nickname. Sehun had called you like that once before. He said that because you always gifted clients with lilies at the end of a project they should change your name to Lili. He had called you like that once, just once, and it had been more than enough to make your heart flutter, to make you wish for things that you could never have.

How could you ever say no to him?

 

++++

 

He waited for you. You said that couldn’t go out to have lunch with him because you had other meetings to attend but promised that would meet him a dinner close to your house.

He was nervous the rest of the day as he waited for you. Sehun couldn’t believe that he finally had his chance to talk to you like he wanted you but now that the time had come he didn’t know what he was supposed to say. Or better yet, he knew exactly what he was supposed to say he just didn’t know how he should say it.

While he was waiting for you Sehun could feel you, how nervous you were, how your anxiety was taking the best of you. All of your feelings matched with his very well. You were soulmates, he reminded himself, of course, that at times you would feel the same.

You got there earlier than expected. Just like you had anticipated Lydia fired you in the spot. The moment you walk inside her office she started a lecture about how unprofessional you were, how Sehun must have been out of his mind when he hired you and that when you told her that you had moved away because of your family had to be a complete lie. She talked for what felt like hours, screaming at the top of her lungs so everyone outside the office could hear. When you exited it you got all sorts of looks, some were filled with pity, some just looked at you like they had won someone kind of inviable battle that no one but them was fighting.

When you saw Sehun already sitting there you were surprised. If you were being honest with yourself you didn’t think that he would show up at all, you thought that him approaching had been nothing but a spark. Still, there he was two hours earlier sitting in a tiny boot looking like he didn’t belong at all.

You felt him the entire day. It was almost silent but he was there, you knew that. You had gotten used to only be aware of your own emotions so when his popped out you could notice them right away. Having him in your mind was like a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day, despite how his emotions were often dark.

“You’re early” Sehun stood up and took the box out of your hands.

Because you were anxious about meeting you didn’t even go home, maybe if you did you would lose the courage to talk to him at all so it was better to get there earlier than don’t show up at all. Part of your mind told you that Sehun was only playing tricks with you. Why would he suddenly want to talk to you? It had been months since you last saw each other since you last tried to even contact him. You still talked to Chanyeol every once in a while but you never told him where you were and where you worked at, it wasn’t because you were afraid that he might tell Sehun about. You were terrified that Sehun would know about it and never try to contact you.

Call it a Cinderella syndrome or whatever, but if things were to work out between you and Sehun you need him to be the one to take the first step. It’s true that you didn’t try to talk to him after that but how could you when all you felt on his end was hate? You felt like he hated you, felt like he hated the idea of being with you. So how could you possibly be the one to approach him when you felt like you being near him would cause more damage than good?

“And I thought that you wouldn’t be here at all”

For a while the two of you stayed in complete silence, neither of you knew where to start. You didn’t want to go first, not when Sehun had been the one to call you there.

“What happened?” Sehun asked as he looked at the box at the seat next to you.

You looked at it too, thinking that no one has ever felt so relieved after getting fired.

“Lydia never really like me” you shook your shoulders.

It’s the truth, had you had more time to look for another job you probably wouldn’t have stayed with her but you left your old city in hurry, didn’t want to stay there for a second longer.

“I’m sorry, about the things I said before” Sehun started “I should have never said that. I never thought that it was true, you know. I just… angry but mostly I was scared”

Why did you feel like you could melt in a pool of yourself? Sehun was showing you so much. His mind was opening itself, making room for you and inviting you in.

“I didn’t want to make pressure on you. When I took a step closer to you that night all I wanted to do was help you calm down but you pushed me away. I thought that I should give you time to help you cool down and understand the things that happened. That’s why I went to the office on Monday, because I wanted to know if you were okay and talk but you never showed and when you did finally did I didn’t recognize that man. All I wanted to do was care for you but you never gave me the chance to do so”

He closed his eyes. He knew that, it might have taken him a lot of time to understand it but he knew. Even though you were far away you always managed to calm him down when his feelings got too overwhelming, even when you were no physically by his side you did for Sehun what no one else had ever done for him: you brought him peace.

“When I was younger my mom left my dad, and they were soulmates. I was terrified that maybe if I allowed you to get too close then the same thing would happen to me. I know that the two of you are not the same person but I couldn’t help but be that scared. I think that we didn’t bond the first time we saw each other was because I have always blocked you away. I always told myself that if I found you, that if I let myself get too close I would be the one who would end up hurting. I couldn’t bear that, I didn’t want to become like my dad. I didn’t want to be just a shell, just living through the motions as he does. That’s why I worked so much, went out so much. I was doing everything in my power to avoid you”

Maybe his words were supposed to hurt, despite that not being the purpose, but that was not how you felt. Hearing those words made you have a better thought about where Sehun was coming from with his feelings. It didn’t suddenly erase the things he’s done and said but made you see a side of him that you hadn’t seen before – a side that you doubted many people had ever seen. It was the side that was boyish, the side that had been so terribly hurt by something that he could not control.

“Sehun, your parents were not soulmates”

While trying to understand the things that happened to both of you, you did a lot of research. It didn’t make any sense but you tried to understand it as much as possible.

“They were, my dad said so himself” Sehun shook his head

“Maybe that was what he believed in, maybe that was what his heart wanted the most but they weren’t. If your mother really left him then they couldn’t have been. Once the bond is made it’s nearly impossible for someone to leave. I was only around you for less than a year and you have no idea how much it hurt me to leave, I can only imagine how it would be for people who have been together for many years. Sometimes when my dad has to travel for work he takes my mom with because it’s just too painful to leave her behind”

He looked at you with pure disbelief. Everything was just too much for him.

“If it is impossible, how could you leave?”

You smiled at him sadly.

“Because I thought that it was you wanted”

 

++++

 

For days everything went quiet. You were trying to find a new job and Sehun went back to his company. Maybe it was silly to think that after talking things would just be the way you wanted them to be. That was not the case, and you knew that much.

When you went home to visit your parents you told Lola about it, told her everything that happened between you and Sehun. She listened to you in silence, just nodding a couple of times to let you know that she was still listening to you. She didn’t say anything after you were done and she handed you Jane.

“You may not think of it this way but Sehun asking to talk is already him taking the first step. By admitting that he did something wrong and apologizing, he tried. Maybe right now he just needs you to hold his hand and take the next step with him”

With her words in mind, you nocked on Sehun’s door. You weren’t sure if you were doing the right thing, if you doing there was what he wanted but you had to give it a try. Just one try would be enough. That moment would mean everything; it would the decisive moment between parting ways completely and staying by each other’s side.

Sehun opened the door to find you there. You had been scared the entire day, anxious and insecure. He thought that you had a job interview that was why you were feeling like that, he would have never imagined that those feelings were because of him. When he looked at you he felt a sparkle a hope.

Sehun pulled you in his arms before he could even finish saying ‘hi’

 

++++

 

You loved morning the most, the lazy morning when you just wanted to turn on your side and go back to sleep. You especially loved when you were getting up you were pulled back and would be trapped in his arms and legs. Moments when you could freely look at him, moments when you let the love you felt fall out of you like a giant waterfall. Moments when Sehun would whisper sweet nothing’s to ear, moments when you would talk about nothing hours, moments when you made plans for the future – a future that no longer looked empty and lonely but a future filled with feelings and happiness, a future that was yours to make whatever you wanted.

Those moments were the most precious to you because they would remind you of the first time it happened.

After you knocked on Sehun’s door the two of agreed to take it slow, until one night you couldn’t. All the time you spent together, now knowing about everything, just made the tension and the feelings grow. Even when you fought, even when you didn’t agree on things you couldn’t help but love him – with all of your heart. You knew that Sehun felt the same way, he was much less vocal about it but he always showed it to you in ways that words could never truly express.

When you woke up that morning you could feel Sehun everywhere. He was right there by your side, yes, but he was also in the air, he was all that you see and feel. At that moment you were certain that you loved him as you had never loved anyone or anything before. It had happened so fast but it was also inevitable, it was going to happen either way and spending time together only made it happen faster.

“Don’t go anywhere, Sehun” you whispered to him.

You ran your hand through his hair and pulled yourself closer to him. Being in his arm as much like being home, it felt safe. The kind of place you never wanted to leave.

“I can’t promise that’s going to be easy” he suddenly opened his eyes and you felt like he could see all of you, even things he had no way of knowing. Sehun had all of you, either wanting it or not “I can’t say that at some point I won’t close off because I don’t how to deal with things. If you stay I stay, if I go I’ll follow”

“That’s all I could ever ask for”


End file.
